Theological recovery

If the Bible has anything to tell us about the location of Jesus, He isn't filling a God-shaped hole in our hearts.

Balloon

This past Sunday during the sermon I heard a quote that has been haunting me like a pea under a princess' bed.  The pastor said "You can learn a lot if you pay attention to what makes you frustrated or angry."

The truth is, well, a lot makes me frustrated and angry right now.  Killing innocent people makes me frustrated and angry right now.  People suffering from natural disasters makes me frustrated and angry right now.  Saying God doesn't love people of all walks of life makes me frustrated right now.  However, the most interesting thing that makes me angry at the moment is...a balloon.

There is a story of this little girl who lost her grandfather. On a journey to visit her relatives, this little girl's parents bought her a balloon to keep her company.  Upon their family's arrival, they were greeted by an aunt who was still very upset over  her father's death.  All of a sudden, this little girl let go of her balloon, and it floated into the sky.  The aunt asked the girl why she did this, and the girl said something that began to heal her aunt's heart: "I'm sending it to grandpa!"

Now, it's a touching story.  It's a story of deep trust and simple faith.  It's a beautifully kind gesture.  And it makes me angry.  Why?  Because I know of people who would shoo the story away.  Who would say: "The balloon will pop somewhere in the atmosphere and never make it to grandpa, wherever he is"  or "Well, that was a waste of money" or "That girl is so limited in her understanding."

But it mostly makes me angry because I too can be so dismissive of things that don't make a whole lot of logical sense, but they are beautiful demonstrations of God's extravagant love.

What does this story make you feel?

So I Put My Hands Up, and then down.

Things are not always as they seem.

For example, I like to "fake punch" people as a sign of affection.  I'm not sure where that started, or why I still do it.  I'm not really even capable of being violent.  I would always get yelled at by my martial arts instructors to "hit harder!" "Think of someone you hate, and hit harder!"  Never worked.

However, my affectionate punches tie in nicely with something I heard at a concert this week.

Gareth Gilkeson of The Rend Collective Experiment made a statement about worship that I intend on quickly implementing.  He said (in a delightful and resonant Northern Irish accent):  "We all come to church guarded.  Every one of us, whether we are in front or in the back of the room.  So, we should all come to the church service with our hands up like this" 

Think this picture:

Gilkeson goes on to say:

"And so after we come in like this, our first act of worship should be to put our hands down." 

He went on saying: "We are not like machines, being manufactured the same.  We were not created for uniformity, but for unity."

Things are not as they seem in the church, and the whole world knows it.  We are all tired of fake promises of friendliness that don't lead to friendship, as well as hospitality that only sits on a table instead of sitting together at a table.  

Even so, what if all of us--me and you, you and me--what if we chose to put down our barriers ahead of time?  What if instead of coming to church with a stance of entitled expectations, we came with a stance of surrender?  

If we did, what would the church look like?

Searching

I am beginning to understand the prayer "search me and know my heart" was first an invitation from God.

Questions

I think inquiry is one of the most beautiful gifts we have as human beings.  That's probably why I resonated so much with Curious George growing up

...even though on the inside I secretly hated him because he wouldn't just follow the rules.

Maybe this is the "J" side of my ENFJ coming out.  Or, perhaps this is a tension where I live and perhaps many other people live as well: In order for discovery to happen, you may have to break a few rules.

I guess no one demands that a person would have to like breaking these rules, that the consequences would always be helpful, or that the inquiry must lead to ground-breaking, news-worthy discovery.

But a life without inquiry is a self-stagnated insult.

Sinsides

Before I get too far--if you haven't seen this already, go check it out :)  I couldn't be more grateful and proud to be a part of this church family and worship team.  What an incredible blessing to be able to come home for a short little while (too short!! haha), and to be able to be with my "worshipping family" again :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-KkSARsaaA

Today marks the third week of classes, and my first actual grade has been recorded.  (Granted, it was an 80 on my Old Testament Pentateuch quiz...oh that reading!  Reading a dictionary! Ugh...Thank God the instructor and my classmates are great fun).

However, Wednesdays have become a hard day for me because they deal with my Spiritual Formation class.  For those of you who know me, you know Spiritual Formation is a huge focus of my life.  I was the girl at 17 yrs. old who was reading books like: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and Authentic Relationships.  However, somewhere in these last five years (cue music--for those of you who get that reference), something about spiritual formation has been very painful and caustic to me.  I'm not sure what that is, but as I have been getting back into the swing of journal writing and taking my time with the Lord in the mornings (because so many of my classes want me to keep a journal...good grief!), this came out.  Not sure if it's complete yet, but something I wanted to share...part of the journey.  What does it make you think of?

Psalm 103:10-14

"Sinsides"

Somewhere in the dark deep inside

The place where yet truth revealed is hides

The place I'm lying and trying to find

Sinsides

John Calvin said that mirroring is creation

To mirror outward Creator in exultation

But a mirror turned inward is great devestation

Sinsides

Not just lost, but open eyes see

Open eyes in blidness to no longer blind be

To let these sinsides come outside of the inside of me

Released

Redeemed

Free.

 

Some of you wondered what life may be like up here...well, here's a short preview...

And so it begins...

Well, readers.  If you're just joining the program already in progress--let me update you.  I'm starting seminary in less than a week for my Masters of Divinity degree (I'm pretty sure I won't be able to master the Divine in 2 years, but that's the title at least).

Seems like yesterday (or perhaps 4 days ago) when Kyle, Kaly and I were packing up my new Nissan Rogue full of things as Niagara falls was rushing down my back from the 102°F weather.  I've always hated the humidity and muggy sweat I experience in Florida.  Yet, here I am sitting in the 71°F weather of Wayne, PA and I am missing my home state.  Not the weather, of course, but my family and friends, the water, and maybe even the Palm trees.

Thankfully, I have had wonderful company for these past few days.  My cousin Kaly, at the last minute, was able to join me for the road trip.  I got to see wonderful friends along the way who graciously welcomed us and showed us hospitality.  Then, I have been able to spend wonderful time with Missy & Jeff Hoagland since my arrival.  The encouragement their presence has been to me is immeasurable.

This morning, Missy and I attended a worship service and the passage of focus was Mark 6:7-13.  This is where Jesus sent out the disciples to preach and to heal.  What stuck out to me from the minister's sermon was that Jesus--instead of giving exact step-by-step instructions of how to follow--rather tells the disciples how to dress and what kind of houses to stay in.  He sent them out in power, and sent them out in prayer, and sent them out with an understanding that there was a time for study and then there would be a time for costly action.

Ben said to me before I left: "It costs something to follow Jesus, and you're living proof of that."  Yes, there is the literal cost of graduate school, or the cost of travel to get here, or the cost of leaving many things back in FL because they wouldn't fit in the car.  However, we both knew that the cost he was speaking of was stability, comfort, family, friends, familiarity...the cost of saying with all my heart and all my life "Where you go I'll go, what you say I'll say, and what you pray, I'll pray."  It's through no power of my own that I got here, through no provision of my own that I'll get through--but I pray I am found obedient in investing all my "talents" in advancing the Kingdom.  While this is a time where I have been sent to minister and learn, there will soon come a time to be sent again.

As the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Phillipi:   "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which god has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12; 14)

Stay tuned, for surely there will be more adventures to come... :)

Creeping things...

At the beginning of this year, I was challenged by John Piper in one of the leader sessions at Passion.  He said that he believers leaders in the church should approach teaching others scripture by following these four steps:

1. Memorize         2. Analyze           3. Believe            4. Teach

This was both encouraging and very convicting to me.  Encouraging because it gives way to the fact that I've felt in my Spirit that most of us go around teaching things that we don't believe ourselves.  If we started at step one, rather than step four--there would be a lot fewer confused teachers around.  However, it was also convicting because--to be completely honest--I don't know that I've really been intentional about memorizing scripture since I was in high school.  Perhaps a verse here or passage there accidentally because I would read it so much, or because I had to teach it to little ones during VBS.  Yet, my "life's work" right now is to teach...

So, a best friend of mine recently introduced me to a book called The History of Redemption
(http://www.historyofredemption.org).

This book combines incredible visual imagery with a weaving of just scripture to give an abbreviated--but no less powerful--overview of the story of humanity and God's grace.  What's also really wonderful about it in conjunction with my above conviction is that it has "memorization plans' in the back!  So, I've started on step one, and tried to work my way down to step three for each page.  To read and let it sink in deep.  To let the Spirit breathe light and life into me through meditation.  

As I started "in the beginning" I began to meditate on these words.  Hopefully, this is a conjecture that maybe you can resonate with. 

God casts a vision as humanity is created: 
"let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth" (just typed that from memory--BOOM..Genesis 1:26).  

Isn't it interesting here that "every creeping thing that creeps on the earth..." is the last piece mentioned of humanity's dominion?  

Have you ever thought about how much power you have over creeping things? Creepy things? Things that scurry, prowl, surprise and seem dangerous--but really aren't?  That nothing could truly creep up on you?

I wonder if Eve felt like the Serpent "crept up on her" when he tried to get her to shop a bondage-bearing kind of produce.  

It is like it was foreshadowing for Jesus and Satan: "and he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel."  The Serpent may not have crept along on the earth before Eve was deceived, but the serpent now creeps on the earth--prowling around like a roaring lion looking to devour.  Yet, we see--woven into the order of design--there could appear death and dominion of evil but it would never be able to prevail.  Even back at the beginning we were given the title of "Victor."  

What if I faced every frustration, every evil, every situation with that title?  Not a victory that I've earned, but a victory I've been given.  Not a victory I've somehow fought for, but a victory that's been woven into the very fabric of my DNA.  Not a victory that I could somehow make manifest, but one that is made manifest in me.

What power we ignore when we ignore the beginning.